How to: Being Supportive After a Miscarriage

When someone suffers a loss, it’s difficult to know what to say or do to help them navigate through the trauma of their grief.

Perhaps it’s even more difficult to know how to help someone who’s lost a child before they even had the chance to be born.

Often, the natural impulse is to withdraw from the newly bereaved mother and not mention their recent tragedy. It’s as if we think if we act like it never happened, then everything will quickly go back to normal and the grieving loved one will get over it.

Unfortunately, this just makes your sad loved one feel even more alone and isolated.

Because people react differently, we may be afraid our condolences will be more painful than anything else, but we have to at least acknowledge the parents’ loss and show that we care.

Once you express your support to your friend or family member, follow their lead. They’ll let you know if they want to talk about what they’re been through or not.

Send Them a Message

Unless you’re the partner, parent or someone else in the first tier of close relationships, such as a sibling or grandparent who’s especially connected to the grieving mother, don’t force yourself in on the very first day unless you know you’ll be welcome. Let the people who are the closest to them be by the parents’ side, initially.

Do drop off a card if you live nearby, or at least text letting them know you love them, and the moment they want you, you’re there. Ask them if you can call when they’re ready to talk.

Drop off DInner

There’s a reason this is a traditional gift when someone is grieving, because usually, they don’t feel like cooking. If you don’t cook or have the time, you can also bring their favorite takeout. If there is someone you can contact who is close to the family, do call and ask if it would be okay. They may have plans. If there isn’t someone to contact, bring by something they can freeze until later if they want.

Show Up

Not only have they suffered a tremendous loss, but their body has also been through a lot, too. When the initial shock has passed, come and do their shopping, clean their laundry, or come over and cook.

Leave a bag of bagels on their doorstep or soup from their favorite café.

Continue to Show You Care

Text them once in a while to let them know you’re thinking of them. If they’re religious, tell them you’re praying for them and then do it if at all possible, even if it’s not really your thing.

Send a Thoughtful Gift

If you know them well, you might know the perfect gift to send them that shows you’re thinking of them. If you’re not sure what to send someone who’s recovering from a pregnancy loss, laurelbox packs grief kits for people who’ve lost someone they care about. They even have categories, including pregnancy loss.

Work in Their Garden

If it’s the right time of year, stop by and plant a tree, some flowers or shrubbery. Beautify their surroundings so they feel like hope isn’t gone forever.

Good luck. We hope you have a positive experience caring for your grieving loved one. Make sure to listen more than you talk, and remember how much you have to offer. Don’t tell them that it’s God’s will or at least they’re young and can get pregnant again.

Just express how sad you feel, and show them you care.